Ok...we have known Andrew for about 12 years or more. He goes to our church so that's how we met him.
Andrew's parents divorced when he was young and he went to California to live with his dad (Andrew is an only child). When he was about 10 or so, his dad died and Andrew found him dead. He got shipped off to AZ to live with his mother and where TV raised him except Friday night from sundown to Saturday night sundown (the Sabbath). He was never aloud to spend the night at his friends houses, or ever aloud to date, and this continued until he was over 18. His mom is a musician that makes money by playing the piano for many different churches and at weddings. She doesn't make a ton of money so they try to be very frugal about everything they buy.
This family is so frugal that they go around picking up junk that people throw away in their junk piles to get rid of. They bring it home "in case" they could use it for something. This is so bad that they had so much stuff in their house that I would consider them hoarders. In fact, I just read about Compulsive Hoarding Syndrome, and it fits Andrew perfectly.... http://www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding/about-hoarding/compulsive-hoarding-syndrome-introduction.php. They did have little pathways through their house, the living room was so full of things, almost to the ceiling. Their carport was full of junk, along with the back yard. He doesn't work except on occasion to get a little cash. He is very smart with mechanical things, so he has helped us fix things for cheap.
About 5 years ago, his mother, Pat, met someone and about 2 years later, married him. They bought another house and he won't let her do her hoarding thing. Andrew lived with Pat for so many years and they had to tell him that he had to leave because they were going to fix up the house and rent it out. He was all upset and couldn't think about what to do. Someone gave him a trailer in a trailer park, but it is not in good condition and needs serious work done on it. He has to pay $250 per month for the lot it is on. He has some money because he has saved it his whole life on the jobs he's worked here and there. Since he had to leave his mom's house, he started taking his things over to his trailer and storing them there. He also has a bunch of things at my house that were only going to be there for a few months and have been there over 2 years now. Believe me, I have told him to take it several times but he keeps saying that he'll take some when he goes out to his trailer (it's about 45 minutes away from my house...maybe an hour at most).
He started seeing this one girl, Jessica, that has a 2 year old and 4 year old. He stayed with her for a couple of months before they both moved up to Prescott, AZ. He was there a couple of months before they broke up. He will watch her kids on the weekends for her so she doesn't have to pay for daycare then. Then he would come down here to do things and go to church. We would let him stay one or two nights here to save on gas. Then his car broke down. He fixed it once about a year ago but it broke down again. It has some serious issues going on in the engine. Since he's not aloud to work on vehicles at his trailer, Chuck told him that he could work on it at our house. We thought he'd be here for a couple days at a time and then go back to his trailer do do stuff there, since that's what he'd been talking about.
He started off by being here about 5 days at first. He didn't even look at his car for the first 3 days. He sat in the house watching TV. I said something to him "Andrew, I don't mind you staying here for one or two nights, as long as you're working on your car, but if this is just going to be a place that you come to flop to get away from Jessica, then NO! You have a trailer to do that at". He gave me some BS about how he's trying to figure out how to do certain things. I told him that he needed to start by lifting the hood of his car and looking at it. This went on for about 3 weeks and he only would do a little work on it every now and then. I then had another talk with him, that was longer and not sugar coated at all. I told him how he was making me mad and I wanted to see him working on it more than 30 minutes a day. I wanted him to work on it for at least 6 hours per day. All I get is a sigh and how he is working on it. I would call my kids when I was at work to see what he was doing and they would pretty much say that he was watching TV. I was getting so furious. Not only was he not doing what I asked him to do, but he also answer my phone, after telling him several times not to, and he never even asked us if he could stay until his car was done.
I would get up in the middle of the night (or early in the morning) and walk out to my kitchen for a drink and he'd be up watching TV! 3:00 in the morning and watching TV! Normally, this wouldn't bother me if someone was doing this, even him, if he wasn't supposed to be working on his car. I told him that 3:00 in the morning is a ridiculous time to be awake when he has to work on his car and I didn't want him sleeping in until Noon! I got a sigh again! I told him that he has no concept of time, that Chuck and I do because we have jobs and only have a day or two per week to get things done. Our time is precious because we have lots of things to do, and have kids. He doesn't get it!!!!!!!!!! I don't know how much more blunt I can be to him!
Oh, I forgot, in the meantime, his other vehicle broke down, so now I'm having to prod him on 2 vehicles. He finally got his van fixed but he took forever and he befriended my gear head neighbors and kept talking to them. I felt like I was living in Hell! He wouldn't leave or fix his vehicles...at least not in my time frame! I even told him it's my house, my rules! He didn't care! He finally fixed his van last Friday. Then Saturday, he did nothing but sit around all day. So Sunday, Chuck talked to him and told him that he had to leave. Since he decided NOT to fix his car and one of his vehicles was running now, it was time to go. He could come back this weekend to pick up the car and tow it away.
He was complaining to Chuck that I was being unreasonable and controlling! And how he was sleeping in an uncomfortable love seat, and how the kids would keep him awake. Then GO HOME! That's my answer to it all! How can my kids keep him awake when he was still awake at 3 in the AM? He didn't care that he was being an inconvenience to us on parking! Between all of our vehicles, we were having to park 9 vehicles! That's crazy! 2 of the vehicles were his, 3 are mine and Chuck's, 2 are my son's, one my daughter's and the last one was my son's friend's, Dennis, who stays with us too. We offered Andrew our van because it needs a new engine and we aren't going to fix it. He of course, will take it. So this weekend Chuck and Andrew are going to tow it up to some land that Andrew has.
He wanted to come here on Thursday and Chuck told him no, he can come on Friday. Then he wanted to go to church first on Saturday, then tow the van. His land is about 4 hours away, one way and he is slow. Chuck said no way...no church because he only has a limited amount of time to do that. They also have to tow Andrew's car to his trailer so that takes more time. He's driving us nuts!
I swear, there will be no more house guests! People have ruined it for others that might benefit from it. Let me rephrase that! Dennis can stay, he has a job! I also consider him like one of my own kids because he have practically raised him for the last 7 years or so.
So now, with the exception of Dennis, if you live at my house, you have to be related by blood or marriage...and even then, it questionable, lol!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Unruly House Guests!
Chuck and I are magnets to lazy people that just want to live off of someone! How do we always encounter such "friends"? Let me start off telling you about the oldest incident to the most current.
The first one was a couple named Jason and Melissa. This was years ago...when I first got pregnant with my 14 almost 15 year old daughter Amber. They lived with us for 3 months without working. Jason would work now and then for like one or two days, for his foster dad, painting. So he'd get a little pocket change, so to speak. I actually didn't work at that time either. My husband was the only one that worked. Chuck did not make a lot of money at that time. We could barely afford to pay our bills and I also had 2 other kids. I would have found a job but since I was pregnant, I didn't feel it was the right time to start looking. Jason and Melissa would eat our food and not contribute to replenishing it. Then we found hidden food stashed in the far back corner of one of my cabinets, with the dishes I rarely used. They bought the food and soda then hid it from us. So Chuck started drinking the soda, lol! After all, they had no problems eating our food.
I must admit, I started using them as babysitters since they couldn't seem to contribute any other way. I think they felt obligated, lol! That was only for a couple of weeks. They also used our car because theirs was broke down at the time. They said that they put gas in it but when we went to use it, it was almost on empty. I don't believe gas was ever put in there by them.
One time, I was doing laundry, and I always went out my bedroom door to the laundry room. We lived in an apartment at the time and I had to use the apartments washers and dryers. My bedroom had an arcadia door to my patio. The laundry facilities were behind my bedroom so it was easier to go out the back door than to go out the front and go all the way around the building. So, I'm on my last load of laundry, late at night, and they come home. I heard them talking but didn't think anything of it. So, I went out to get my last load and I smell something good, like some sort of hot food. I just happened to look down and, much to my surprise, there was a pizza from Streets of New York, and a veggie platter, on top of it. At first I thought "Who would put pizza on my patio" and no sooner did that thought go through my brain, I realized who would do it. I woke my husband up and told him what I found. We debated on bringing it in and eating it, but I figured they might smell it, lol! We also thought about taking it to the car and eating it but we were both too tired and weren't really hungry anyway.
So I just decided to go out and tell them that they could bring their pizza in and eat it. That Chuck and I weren't hungry so they didn't have to share it. Melissa tried saying that Jason's foster parents gave them their left over pizza. When I called her on it about it being a hot pizza, she said Joanna heated it up before they left. I told her that I wasn't stupid and I knew that they just got it, then turned around and went to my bedroom.
I could go on about this couple, but I have other ones to talk about.
Next came Garth. My husband went to school with him and he went to church with us from time to time. We knew him when he worked and had his own place. We just kept running in to him at different places, like the mall, a pizza place, walking down the street, etc...I noticed he was in the same outfit every single time we saw him. I also noticed that he didn't smell too good when we got close to him. I talked to my husband and told him to tell Garth that he could shower at our house if he wanted to. He was greatful, and went on his way, coming back the next day to visit. We felt sorry for him because we knew that this wasn't the Garth we were used to. We eventually offered him to stay with us. He took us up on the offer. He never would ask us for anything but when we offered him things, he took it. I waited a couple of weeks and he didn't even act like he was going to find a job. In my mind, I thought he was just down on his luck and became homeless. It's hard to find a job when you have no address, phone, and shower. So we provided him with all of that. And still, there was no motivation for job hunting. I was confused about it and didn't know how to approach the subject since he never even asked us for any help at all. Chuck and I were stumped as to how to handle everything.
When I finally asked him if he was out looking for a job, his response was "I've been thinking about it". A little more time went on and more questions came up with "I've been thinking about it" as an answer. I started noticing a pattern. Oh yeah, He was very religious too. Nothing wrong with that but he was practically the Holy Roller type. Just about all conversations with him would end up turning into a religious one. Way more than the average person. I spoke with one of the Social Workers at my job and after describing him to her, she told me that he sounded schizophrenic. There was nothing we could do about it because he was not a harm to himself or others.
Evntually, he ended up at another friends house and he had the job of getting him out. It was really tough and the police had to be called. Garth just would not leave, even when asked. That was 3 and a half years ago and we haven't seen him since.
Then came an old friend of mine name Billie Jean. Down on her luck with literally nowhere to go. Her daughter had to go live with one of her friends. So I let Billie Jean stay with us. Once again, things were fine at first and quickly went down hill. She used Chuck's car and would stay out so late (or early) that we didn't know if she was going to be here in time for Chuck to go to work at 5 am. She would say, Oh sorry, I fell asleep at so and so's house. So then we had to say that we want the car back by Midnight. So she did just that....most of the time.
This house guest, ate our food, used our water, electricity, and gasoline for the car, without replacing it. She brought her dog over too, a pit bull named Brownie. Brownie ate my dog's food, even when she had her own. Billie Jean just let her do it. I hated it because then Angel would have to go to Brownie's bowl and occasionally, a fight broke out. Angel is older than Brownie and has hip and knee problems too so I was afraid that she would get really hurt, but surprisingly, Angel usually ended up on top!
She got a job cleaning houses for a small company. After 3 weeks, she was fired. Then she got another job, after one week, she was fired. That's pretty bad. She always was the victim, of course. Then she decided to get a job as a maintenance person for an apartment complex so she could get free rent. No calls came, and she would call them, nothing! She kept trying, everyday. Still, nothing. I told her to go get a job anywhere, even if it were McDonalds, but she refused because "she couldn't live on that". I told her that something is better than nothing and since I was buying everything for her and her dog, that she need a job, even if it paid minimum wage. Then she used the excuse that she would have a hard time finding something else while working. Nice try...I didn't let her use that! I told her that she could use our computer, like she had been doing already, to put in applications. I also told her that people find other jobs all the time while working another one (well, maybe not in out economy now but at this time, they did). She just said, "well, I don't know how other people do it".
Then there were issues with her daughter Jessie. Jessie came to live with us during this time. Billie Jean let her 16 year old daughter go to kick backs, where all they do is listen to music, drink, and smoke pot. She said that it was better that she let her go and know where Jessie was than to have her sneak out like she did before and not know where she was. That is not how I raise my kids and I wouldn't tolerate that. I told her that I didn't like the way she was raising Jessie. I don't let my kids do that and I don't have any problems with my kids.
Jessie finally got a job at Peter Piper Pizza. Then someone (turns out to be a little girl) left their cell phone there. Jessie and her friend that worked with her, took it and brought it home. Jessie told me all about it and that the owner was trying to call and text the phone. I told her to answer it and tell her that she had it. No...that wasn't an option because Jessie and the friend were going to sell it. I told her that selling it was wrong because it wasn't hers to sell. After a few minutes, she left my house with the phone. I talked to Chuck about it and he said that we don't do stuff like that and that she has 2 choices. #1 was to give the phone back to the owner and #2 was to leave our house and would not be aloud to come back. When Jessie returned, I told her what we decided and a fight broke out with her. She called us every name in the book. We were being unreasonable. The phone was hers now because it's finders keepers. Billie Jean was nowhere that we could reach her. I ended up getting the cell phone and calling the owners. I gave it back to them 2 days later. I would have given it back sooner but they couldn't come get it before then. So after that, we were horrible people.
It still didn't make Billie Jean leave. I had to kick her out. I gave her 2 months warning that I was going to make her leave. She still didn't have a place to live or a job but after livingwith us off of us for 5 months, I couldn't take it anymore and didn't care if she had a job or not. It wasn't my problem, I had to make sure that my own family came first, then my sanity, lol!
So the most recent is Andrew. I'm going to leave this part of my blog to being a part 2. This blog is already long and Andrew's story will be long by itself so his will be the part 2 tomorrow. I have to tell about his background first before I tell about his story with us. I promise this story to you.
The first one was a couple named Jason and Melissa. This was years ago...when I first got pregnant with my 14 almost 15 year old daughter Amber. They lived with us for 3 months without working. Jason would work now and then for like one or two days, for his foster dad, painting. So he'd get a little pocket change, so to speak. I actually didn't work at that time either. My husband was the only one that worked. Chuck did not make a lot of money at that time. We could barely afford to pay our bills and I also had 2 other kids. I would have found a job but since I was pregnant, I didn't feel it was the right time to start looking. Jason and Melissa would eat our food and not contribute to replenishing it. Then we found hidden food stashed in the far back corner of one of my cabinets, with the dishes I rarely used. They bought the food and soda then hid it from us. So Chuck started drinking the soda, lol! After all, they had no problems eating our food.
I must admit, I started using them as babysitters since they couldn't seem to contribute any other way. I think they felt obligated, lol! That was only for a couple of weeks. They also used our car because theirs was broke down at the time. They said that they put gas in it but when we went to use it, it was almost on empty. I don't believe gas was ever put in there by them.
One time, I was doing laundry, and I always went out my bedroom door to the laundry room. We lived in an apartment at the time and I had to use the apartments washers and dryers. My bedroom had an arcadia door to my patio. The laundry facilities were behind my bedroom so it was easier to go out the back door than to go out the front and go all the way around the building. So, I'm on my last load of laundry, late at night, and they come home. I heard them talking but didn't think anything of it. So, I went out to get my last load and I smell something good, like some sort of hot food. I just happened to look down and, much to my surprise, there was a pizza from Streets of New York, and a veggie platter, on top of it. At first I thought "Who would put pizza on my patio" and no sooner did that thought go through my brain, I realized who would do it. I woke my husband up and told him what I found. We debated on bringing it in and eating it, but I figured they might smell it, lol! We also thought about taking it to the car and eating it but we were both too tired and weren't really hungry anyway.
So I just decided to go out and tell them that they could bring their pizza in and eat it. That Chuck and I weren't hungry so they didn't have to share it. Melissa tried saying that Jason's foster parents gave them their left over pizza. When I called her on it about it being a hot pizza, she said Joanna heated it up before they left. I told her that I wasn't stupid and I knew that they just got it, then turned around and went to my bedroom.
I could go on about this couple, but I have other ones to talk about.
Next came Garth. My husband went to school with him and he went to church with us from time to time. We knew him when he worked and had his own place. We just kept running in to him at different places, like the mall, a pizza place, walking down the street, etc...I noticed he was in the same outfit every single time we saw him. I also noticed that he didn't smell too good when we got close to him. I talked to my husband and told him to tell Garth that he could shower at our house if he wanted to. He was greatful, and went on his way, coming back the next day to visit. We felt sorry for him because we knew that this wasn't the Garth we were used to. We eventually offered him to stay with us. He took us up on the offer. He never would ask us for anything but when we offered him things, he took it. I waited a couple of weeks and he didn't even act like he was going to find a job. In my mind, I thought he was just down on his luck and became homeless. It's hard to find a job when you have no address, phone, and shower. So we provided him with all of that. And still, there was no motivation for job hunting. I was confused about it and didn't know how to approach the subject since he never even asked us for any help at all. Chuck and I were stumped as to how to handle everything.
When I finally asked him if he was out looking for a job, his response was "I've been thinking about it". A little more time went on and more questions came up with "I've been thinking about it" as an answer. I started noticing a pattern. Oh yeah, He was very religious too. Nothing wrong with that but he was practically the Holy Roller type. Just about all conversations with him would end up turning into a religious one. Way more than the average person. I spoke with one of the Social Workers at my job and after describing him to her, she told me that he sounded schizophrenic. There was nothing we could do about it because he was not a harm to himself or others.
Evntually, he ended up at another friends house and he had the job of getting him out. It was really tough and the police had to be called. Garth just would not leave, even when asked. That was 3 and a half years ago and we haven't seen him since.
Then came an old friend of mine name Billie Jean. Down on her luck with literally nowhere to go. Her daughter had to go live with one of her friends. So I let Billie Jean stay with us. Once again, things were fine at first and quickly went down hill. She used Chuck's car and would stay out so late (or early) that we didn't know if she was going to be here in time for Chuck to go to work at 5 am. She would say, Oh sorry, I fell asleep at so and so's house. So then we had to say that we want the car back by Midnight. So she did just that....most of the time.
This house guest, ate our food, used our water, electricity, and gasoline for the car, without replacing it. She brought her dog over too, a pit bull named Brownie. Brownie ate my dog's food, even when she had her own. Billie Jean just let her do it. I hated it because then Angel would have to go to Brownie's bowl and occasionally, a fight broke out. Angel is older than Brownie and has hip and knee problems too so I was afraid that she would get really hurt, but surprisingly, Angel usually ended up on top!
She got a job cleaning houses for a small company. After 3 weeks, she was fired. Then she got another job, after one week, she was fired. That's pretty bad. She always was the victim, of course. Then she decided to get a job as a maintenance person for an apartment complex so she could get free rent. No calls came, and she would call them, nothing! She kept trying, everyday. Still, nothing. I told her to go get a job anywhere, even if it were McDonalds, but she refused because "she couldn't live on that". I told her that something is better than nothing and since I was buying everything for her and her dog, that she need a job, even if it paid minimum wage. Then she used the excuse that she would have a hard time finding something else while working. Nice try...I didn't let her use that! I told her that she could use our computer, like she had been doing already, to put in applications. I also told her that people find other jobs all the time while working another one (well, maybe not in out economy now but at this time, they did). She just said, "well, I don't know how other people do it".
Then there were issues with her daughter Jessie. Jessie came to live with us during this time. Billie Jean let her 16 year old daughter go to kick backs, where all they do is listen to music, drink, and smoke pot. She said that it was better that she let her go and know where Jessie was than to have her sneak out like she did before and not know where she was. That is not how I raise my kids and I wouldn't tolerate that. I told her that I didn't like the way she was raising Jessie. I don't let my kids do that and I don't have any problems with my kids.
Jessie finally got a job at Peter Piper Pizza. Then someone (turns out to be a little girl) left their cell phone there. Jessie and her friend that worked with her, took it and brought it home. Jessie told me all about it and that the owner was trying to call and text the phone. I told her to answer it and tell her that she had it. No...that wasn't an option because Jessie and the friend were going to sell it. I told her that selling it was wrong because it wasn't hers to sell. After a few minutes, she left my house with the phone. I talked to Chuck about it and he said that we don't do stuff like that and that she has 2 choices. #1 was to give the phone back to the owner and #2 was to leave our house and would not be aloud to come back. When Jessie returned, I told her what we decided and a fight broke out with her. She called us every name in the book. We were being unreasonable. The phone was hers now because it's finders keepers. Billie Jean was nowhere that we could reach her. I ended up getting the cell phone and calling the owners. I gave it back to them 2 days later. I would have given it back sooner but they couldn't come get it before then. So after that, we were horrible people.
It still didn't make Billie Jean leave. I had to kick her out. I gave her 2 months warning that I was going to make her leave. She still didn't have a place to live or a job but after living
So the most recent is Andrew. I'm going to leave this part of my blog to being a part 2. This blog is already long and Andrew's story will be long by itself so his will be the part 2 tomorrow. I have to tell about his background first before I tell about his story with us. I promise this story to you.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
WHAT IN THE WORLD???
As I came home from my part time job today, I noticed something very strange down my street. Lots and lots of police cars, yellow tape, hovering helicopters, fire department, and many spectators! This was really weird! I thought "What in the world is going on?" At first I thought that a little kid may have drown is someone's pool.
I pulled in my driveway and walked out to the sidewalk to be one of the other nosy neighbors! I saw my neighbor to the West of me looking at everything and I asked him what happened. He said that a girl in the home was shot by her boyfriend and then shot himself. This house is only about 5 houses down from me and across the street. OMG! I couldn't believe it! I said "I have to call my friend Cheryl...she knows everything" (she lives only a few streets away from me). She gets a chance to watch the news more than I do so it sounded reasonable to me. When I called her, I found out that she didn't know what was going on yet, but heard all the helicopters hovering and fire trucks go by. So I told her what I had found out.
My street looked like a parking lot with all the cars on it. People were not able to drive up to their homes because a good portion of the street was blocked off. They were parking in front of my neighbors houses and walking home. The police were there until dark time and I came home around 1:20 in the afternoon.
This is so weird...especially since I went through this about a year ago or so with a girl I worked with. Her husband shot and killed her and then killed himself while their 4 young kids were home. This is so sad!
I just don't know why people get to the point where they feel that murder/suicide is the only option. I understand that people get depressed and may have chemical imbalances in their brain, but they make meds to help them. There is also counseling. Why don't some people utilize these? I guess I will never truely understand!
I pulled in my driveway and walked out to the sidewalk to be one of the other nosy neighbors! I saw my neighbor to the West of me looking at everything and I asked him what happened. He said that a girl in the home was shot by her boyfriend and then shot himself. This house is only about 5 houses down from me and across the street. OMG! I couldn't believe it! I said "I have to call my friend Cheryl...she knows everything" (she lives only a few streets away from me). She gets a chance to watch the news more than I do so it sounded reasonable to me. When I called her, I found out that she didn't know what was going on yet, but heard all the helicopters hovering and fire trucks go by. So I told her what I had found out.
My street looked like a parking lot with all the cars on it. People were not able to drive up to their homes because a good portion of the street was blocked off. They were parking in front of my neighbors houses and walking home. The police were there until dark time and I came home around 1:20 in the afternoon.
This is so weird...especially since I went through this about a year ago or so with a girl I worked with. Her husband shot and killed her and then killed himself while their 4 young kids were home. This is so sad!
I just don't know why people get to the point where they feel that murder/suicide is the only option. I understand that people get depressed and may have chemical imbalances in their brain, but they make meds to help them. There is also counseling. Why don't some people utilize these? I guess I will never truely understand!
Life Laughs
I have recently been able to read a book by Jenny McCarthy titled Life Laughs. This is the only book I have read by her so far.
I found the book to be quite hilarious, having to put it down several times because I was laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes! She talks about all kinds of things from her husband to sex. She even talks about her most embarrassing moments! She is real and to the point!
This book is certainly for adults only. She describes things in ways that I could never come up with in my wildest dreams, lol! You will also learn about "Jenny facts". This is too funny! Just a warning....she does use bad language. I personally don't have any problems with that.
I don't want to give any of it away because if someone wants to read the book, I'd hate to be the one that spoiled it! It is not for the faint of hearts! She does talk a lot about sex and gets very descriptive about it, so if that's not your thing....then don't even pick the book up!
Jenny did and awesome job in my opinion and I will probably read some of her other books in the future.
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